Dear Dan,

I understand that you are in charge of marketing for Emeco. You must have a really easy job because the chairs sell themselves. People see it, then they buy it. Done and done. Seriously, what do you even do? You must take a lot of naps. I'm a little jealous. I like naps. I would like to get paid for naps, like you. But if I took naps in the office, my co-workers would get very cross. That's why I lock myself in a bathroom to nap. The one on the seventh floor is really nice. There's a potted plant in there.

Anyway, what I've noticed is that Emeco really focuses on its chairs. Everything is about the chairs. Look! Here's a chair designed by Frank Gehry! Here's one by Norman Foster! They last over 150 years---that's longer than most humans! Hey, there are naked people sitting in our chairs! It just goes on and on about the chairs. It's almost as if you don't sell anything else. OK, fine, you sell stools and table legs too, but they don't really count. Stools are like half-assed chairs. As if you started building a chair and you decided, you know what? I'm bored. I'll stop right here with just these four legs and a plate. Say, who wants a beer?

Dan, I'm writing to you today because I respect you as a person. And if you were a dog, parakeet, or a river otter, I'd still respect you. But, you've completely ignored the most important thing Emeco has to offer! In fact, Emeco wouldn't be able to operate without it. I'm surprised that you've gone this long without even acknowledging its existence.

I'm talking about the box. The Emeco box. Here is a picture in case you don't know what I'm talking about:

Still confused? Here's some history: Lightweight and durable, the cardboard box was invented in the early nineteenth century by Hendrick Adriaen Cardboard, a street merchant who wanted an easier way to carry his pots and pans when he peddled them on the mean streets of New York City. Sadly, Cardboard's box didn't catch on. People thought, why use cardboard, when we have wood? After unsuccessful forays into cobbling and herpetology, Cardboard died obscure and penniless. He never saw how his creation changed the way people organized, stored, and moved their crap. Don't bother looking this up, it's a real fact. Not one of those fake ones you read in books.

The point is, without the box, your chairs would just be sitting in the warehouse, cold and alone. Customers would get angry. They'd be all, Dude! Where is my chair? And you'd have to explain, Sorry, ma'am, we have your chair. I'm looking at it right now. It's very shiny--the Superlight was an excellent choice. But we just have no idea how to get it to you.

The box is the unsung hero of Emeco. It's quiet, it's modest, and it's dedicated to doing its job and doing it well. It lives in the shadow of those fancy chairs and all their fame. In “Beaches,” the chairs would be Bette Midler and the box would be Barbara Hershey. I am ashamed for even bringing that movie up, but I'm trying to make a point here. It's time to give the box its time to shine. It won't shine as much as the chairs because it's not aluminum, but you know what I mean.

I admit that I don't know much about marketing, but how hard could it really be? All you need is a few good ideas. You need to tell your customers that when they buy a chair, they don't just buy a piece of art, they also buy a box. Actually, they get the box for free. What a bargain! I don't think Emeco's customers really know how to get the most out of their boxes. I mean people use chairs in only two ways: to sit on or to stand on top of in order to fetch a suitcase when they go out of town. But the box has an unlimited number of uses. My head hurts just thinking about it. I got a marketing team together, which is to say, myself, and brainstormed a few ideas. I hope you are sitting down for this.

• It can be used to store old books and clothes and other things you don't want to throw away but for some reason want to keep “just in case.” As in, I will keep this M.C. Hammer pants suit “just in case” it comes back in style.
• It can be flattened and put it under a car to soak up leaking oil. Car not included.
• It can be flattened and used to luge down several flights of stairs.
• It can be a home for sleeping puppies because what is cuter than puppies sleeping in a box? I prefer Golden Retriever puppies, but the box will accommodate any kind of puppy.
• It can be a place to put children when they misbehave. Like for a timeout.
• It can be a place to put significant others when they misbehave. Like for a timeout.

This gentleman did a bad thing. I have no idea what, though.

Still, there is one more idea that will change the way people use boxes forever.

Today I received a chair (Heritage, stacking) in the mail. It came in a box. A beautiful brown cardboard box. My name was on it and everything. But there was a problem. My apartment is very small, as I have mentioned before. It's 187 square feet to be exact. The box covers about 3 square feet, which is nearly 2% of my apartment. In other words, it's a very big box. So big, in fact, that it is like another apartment inside my apartment.

So, I got to work.

In a matter of minutes, my studio apartment was turned into a two-room palace! I opted to turn my “flex-space” into a boom-boom room, you know, like a place to entertain or to relax. This is the perfect place for me to chill out with a small drink and play my baritone ukulele. But this space can be used for other purposes, as an art studio, a composting hutch, or even a time machine.

Listen, I can keep going on and on, but it's best if we meet and discuss this in person. You probably have many questions. Luckily, I have many answers, for example, yes, no, thirty-eight, and grapefruit. We should take it “off-line.” I am available most mornings, afternoons, and evenings.

Yours truly,

Annie Choi