Dear Gregg,
I am very impatient. I know this because people always say, Annie, you are very impatient. Then they look cross and throw things at me. Anyway, because I am impatient, I could not wait for Philippe Starck to respond to my last letter about improvements he can make to the Hudson polished silver rocker with arms. So, I decided to go ahead and improve my own chair. Unfortunately, I am not very skilled at building things, so I had my architect revamp the chair to my specifications. I know what you are thinking: Why would someone living in a 187 square foot apartment have an architect? I still haven’t figured that out myself, but he is a very good at his job. He asked to be anonymous because he is a very humble architect, which seems like an oxymoron. You know, like jumbo shrimp, freezer burn, unbiased opinion, etc. After several minutes of hard work, my architect built an excellent prototype. I know that Emeco chairs are made from 80% recycled aluminum, so you will be pleased to know that the prototype is made from 100% post-consumer waste. Which means that my architect built it using crap found in my apartment. Below I have provided simple steps that you and your staff can follow during the manufacturing process
Step 1: attach a tray to one of the arms
First, attach a tray to one of the arms. People like to eat things while sitting down, so they will find this very useful. It’s perfect for a light snack, you know, like cookies or crudite or something of that nature. The tray here is aluminum so it matches the chair. I find that duct tape is a very good way to attach things. I am sure that Emeco has some fancy welding or molding process, but why do that when you can use duct tape?
Step 2: attach a cup holder to the arm
Second, attach a cup holder to the arm. This will come in handy to those who like to drink while eating their light snack. If you attach the cup holder with duct tape, you can easily customize it for left-handed or right-handed drinkers. I happen to be a left-handed drinker. Philippe Starck strikes me as a right-handed drinker.
Step 3: I like to eat toast
I have made two very important observations and I am going to share them with you right now. One, I like to eat toast. Two, my chair is very cold. My architect came up with a clever plan: Install a toaster oven under the chair so it can pull double duty as a toaster and a seat heater. I told you he is very good. This is a Black & Decker Toast-R-Oven. The bread is whole grain wheat. You should let your customers know that bread is not included when you buy this chair.
Step 4: install shelves
The fourth step is to install shelves. Personally, I think putting shelves on a chair is brilliant. I think that I should get some kind of prize for this idea. Maybe Philippe Starck can give me one of his. Anyway, my architect fashioned some shelves out of cardboard. I’ve already added some books to my shelves. Oh look here, they happen to be written by me. Fancy that.
Steps 5 & 6: install two coat hooks
Next, install two coat hooks. Coat hooks are very important. I have many in my apartment. I am not sure if you are aware of this, but coat hooks can be used for non-coat items, such as towels, scarves, and bags. As you can see, one coat hook is for a laundry bag. The other is for my favorite hat. I strongly recommend that your customers buy a Las Vegas visor. They are available in many cities outside Las Vegas.
Step 7: install wheels
Now it’s time to install wheels. I love wheels, don’t you? The wheel might be humankind’s greatest invention. When people discovered that they could attach wheels to shoes, the transportation industry was completely revolutionized. My architect added wheels to his shoes and then attached them to the chair. His shoes are kind of stinky so I recommend that Emeco use someone else’s shoes.
Version 2.0
Here it is! Isn’t it lovely? Look at those clean lines! That sleek, modern feel! Note that it takes only six steps, which is significantly fewer than the seventy-seven it takes to make your other chairs. Of course, there is one more step. You’ve got to give it a name. I recommend “Hudson polished silver rocker with arms by Philippe Starck by Annie Choi.” Or you can call it Version 2.0.
Your friend,
Annie Choi